I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
