Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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