The maid of honor just puked.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
