Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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