I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
