I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
