I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
