im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
