if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize