Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
