When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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