found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In America we eat man semen.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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