got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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