pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
