nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
