Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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