:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
