Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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