it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
