My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
