how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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