You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
