you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize