I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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