I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
