wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
