i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
