Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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