If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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