I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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