You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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