It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Vodka?
Forever.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
