They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
