Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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