It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
