im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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