Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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