Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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