maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
