I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
