Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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