Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
