Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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