Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize