just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
