I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
