i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize