the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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