we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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