i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize