what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You've changed since you got that strap on
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