So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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