watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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