I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
