Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
