Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
