3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
