someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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