I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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