I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
