she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
