1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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