Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
