my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
