His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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