I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
