Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
