I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
