I didn't shave. On purpose
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
